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Tag: jew

The Knowing Tribe

When someone says;

“I don’t believe in God” it is considered cool or naive
“I believe in God” is considered religious
“I trust in God” is considered great, impactful.
“I know God” is considered stupid or delusional!

Somehow “knowing” God is questioned,  shunned, ridiculed & mocked. Its striclty reserved for the fools and saints. That’s because we all project our doubts, and idiosyncrasies upon knowing. Almost all averages, deep down doubt the existence of creator. Especially those who say God exists, who do their chants, poojas, sacrifices and ceremonies. In all formats, in all corners, these rituals seem to be done in doubt, in fear, often with specific expectations. But they all often miss one important aspect, to know God. They should not be done in desperation, but with the desire to know God the great unknown. This often gets displaced in the “busy” of it all.

It is this inner most doubt or perhaps fear that is reflected in the rejection of knowing even with the arduous laborious practices. No outer ritual, prayers and idol worship can ever change this. The great unknown is not punitive, expects nothing, but indeed a great observer. We cannot have this unwritten ambiguous yet firm expectation of how God’s proof must exist in our life. This is a shallow childish and common expectation of our kind. We have a demand for only miracles from God. Miracles with a suitability critieria to our specific needs. This is one of highest limitations of the common belief of most religions.

And anything and everything outside this cloud of a thinking will be rejected by people. This is social conditioning, perhaps religious conditioning we all obey without argument. Either way we ourselves refuse to know God, we are closed than any other living species on earth. I find the trees and all animals are more open, in comparison. There is a level of purity and vulnerability they carry that we don’t seem to even remotely understand when it comes to knowing God the great Unknown.

I was told of God, and I didn’t know God. I searched everywhere. Then I searched within, now I see God everywhere and everything, God the great unknowns’ lessons are beautiful. The road is occassionally filled with bliss, but as a fool I can also see my ignorace and my fears churning in this sacred journey. Yes, I know God. And also, I keep failing, but I keep getting saved by the infinite upon all of us. I recognize it, I acknowledge it, it’s overwhelming the effort, the burden and the blessing. All Praise to the Unknown.

what should I title this ?

...my mind wanders to my setbacks and my disappointments. How I have failed and how I continue to fail in certain things taunts me. I try to justify it’s a human condition though I know I am better than that. At First I find reasons or faults in others, but I know I contributed to things not them.  I force my mind to my own flaws and failures.  We are creatures of circumstances, but to a great measure circumstances are creatures of us. 

When I flounder in such, I cannot help but think of what could drive humans to be in much greater sadness, pain and hardships. I wonder what were ones choices and what were thrusted upon them.

Many had no choice. And Many did and chose very wrong.

I have a luck of finding documentaries on cable TV that reveal the mass shootings and bodies of people pulled out of gas chambers during Hitler’s reign. I find them in troubled moments which never helps or may be it helps too much.

I foolishly imagine what would go through my head before that bullet breaks my cranium. Will I be in fear of the pain to be inflicted upon me. Will I be crying for my end. Will I moan the deaths of those who were shot before me and my kids and family to die after me.  Do I know their fate? Did I hide them ? Or they already shot. My stomach turns and my eyes cannot hold. Do I accept or resist reality inducing more pain. This is a never ending thought.

I can not accept mankind is capable of this. But logic and facts that lay infront of me confirms it’s the case. I am destroyed.

I keep running this thought over and over again until there is nothing left of me that’s clear and sharp. I am mentally tired. This thought keeps running on an infinite loop on certain days some days in the background, for I don’t have an answer, what would I be then, in that instant of departure from all I know, without my free will, and in pain, agony, defeat and suffering,  and it destroys me.

Yesterday,  It happened again, this time I added the glimpse of a show on Gengis Khan. He was worse, killing abusing women and children of his enemies. Millions died because of him, its just so away in time that he is forgotten more than Hitler. And videotaping did not exist during his time. What bothers me is, though these were two, Hundreds of men and women followed their orders and killed innocent people.

I am ashamed of what we are and what we can do. In these moments of thoughts of what we as a species have done to each other I cannot even grip the idea or concept of God. It seems meaningless and furthermore, projects as yet another dangerous idea that could lead to millions facing tragic deaths.  If I was that jew dragged to the pit to be shot with hands tied and hundreds watching and waiting. With no hope, and endless tears, and loved ones killed in front me and or to be the next day or day after. The bullet is all I want.