Category: Uncategorized

Fear & Courage

After several conversations with many, many! I can say with certainty.

Fear doesn’t understand Courage. But Courage understands Fear.

It is futile to converse with those who have become comfortable in fear. Their walls built of fear is much stronger than those of courage.

They will fight you, hate you, mock you to stay within their walls of fear. Leave them, your journey is farther. Do not stand next to them to help, they will want to drag you into their chambers with their intelligent logic and experiences.

They have placed fear above God, they abandoned God. Let them be, your journey is farther. All praise to the Unknown.

All Praise to the Unknown.

Correct Gratefulness

“With Gratefulness comes servitude to do good. For without service to all beings, Gratefulness seems selfish”

Caution: Seeking to understand the eternal

Seeking to understand the eternal, the so called universal understanding will result in the reduction of self. Read that again a few times before going any further. Yes, you will become meaningless and nothing to yourself, yet become everything. Read that a few times too.

The grand awareness and its pursuit can impede your family and worldly duties. There is no balance there is only severance of either for the other. It may be temporary, of one for the other, nonetheless impacts the same; as this will become the way of your so called family life. No one explains this dire conditioning when you begin. The ones who kept going pretty much all of them, ALL of them who came before us, abandoned their duties or their past selves. It’s inevitable but I see a slim path to overcome it, more on that later.

Also, the desire to conquer will leave, while left with inordinate strength and capability to do so. You can read people, predict or adjust circumstances, examine how things will unfold before they do. You become a war machine who seeks no war.

Encroaching Love

Love always encroaches, those who don’t realize this cannot stay in love.

To understand a perfect being

This hit me actually in my sleep around 3AM today. How can an imperfect being like me, fully understand a perfect being ? And isn’t that right off the gate a wishful thinking to begin with ? In other words how can a simple finite four dimensional being understand a multidimensional universal creator ? This separation is why we are unable to discern God adequately in our lives, and furthermore the journey will always be in a gradient flow between you and the universe. This is an important fact to understand and surrender to. Seeking the truth is a flow state, like a river flowing through you to the eternal, there is flux, there is energy, but its a flow state. Calm but always flowing between two points. All praise to the Unknown.

Holding God

Holding God in your heart as you go through your day is like holding onto a shape made out of clouds. Almost impossible but always necessary. All praise to the Unknown.

The Argument; God is Minds Fabrication, is a validated theory except for a grand truth, making Gods existence irrefutable.

Of course, evolution of our kind has steadily programmed us to make sense of all things, to categorize, organize, label stuff so there are no surprises or shocks. Steady the fight or flight patterns so to speak. And certainly many can argue logically and soundly that god is a mere fabrication of the mind. Furthermore, in many observations of our human kind, may also validate this theory.

But I place one important fact front and center. The universe is no fabrication of man, it’s been there before us, and will be after us. Science only can explain the humanly plausible mechanisms of the universe at best. The frontiers of science also strongly suggests the existence of higher dimensions than the four, those living on earth are aware of. Throughout time Humanity suffers the disability to seldom accept nor understand its mere finite, infinitesimally small subset status within the universe, as such an awareness is self detrimental to the core.

Furthermore, Its breadth of understanding cannot ever intrinsically exceed this boundary condition. However and oh by grace I submit, that like a blackhole, there is a loophole; I invite you to think, that logically one only can begin to comprehend all this when extrinsically allowed or aligned. And this no ordinary feat even for the extraordinary minds, but take it from me it is very possible.

Therefore logically and scientifically speaking, God the great unknown’s existence is absolutely irrefutable, granted the interpretations of this by many and the understanding levels of this truth is highly debatable as we observe even in such amusement platforms like facebook and tiktok.

All Praise To The Unknown. Written as guided. Be Well.

the unpredictable wind

God the great unknown, the infinite creator also made the unpredictable wind. Just because you have a sailboat and a compass, you cannot expect him to always move you in the direction you desire. He will give you the wind, but are you a prepared sail? “Calm Seas never made Great Sailors” – FDR

In Pain, decouple Emotions.

When in physical pain, decouple and eliminate the emotions that stem from pain. These emotions can rapidly multiply and hurt you more deeply. The emotions from pain are meaningless connections to the past where you second guessed yourself. They come to mock, trouble you about the “if” and “if only”. They are emotions full of assumptions ungrounded in reality. Don’t carry them especially in pain, they are sure to hurt more. Handle pain without emotions, work on it as towards a solution. Good Luck. Be Well.

The Gunasekaran’s paradox (G-Paradox)

In any moment, equally; there is life and death. This G-paradox is similar to the Schrodinger’s cat; it illustrates quantum superposition with one discernment. The distinction is the separation of matter and antimatter and their juxtaposition to each other. In any moment of life, there is equal probability of life and death. In fact, both always exist simultaneously next to one another in the universe.

A Father witnessing the birth of a child, while right outside the hospital, a racoon loses its life being run over by a car. This is duality of life and death always co-exists, it temporarily delineates like matter and antimatter, which demonstrates life and birth as separate events occurring on a timeline.

For reference, Schrödinger’s Cat is a thought experiment devised by the Austrian physicist Erwin Schrödinger. It illustrates quantum superposition, where a cat in a sealed box is considered both alive and dead until observed. It highlights the paradox of quantum uncertainty and the role of the observer in physics.

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Do one thing for me/you

Please think about this to fullest even if its just for a moment. In our world and our understanding; everything was named before you came, yea sure you named your plant, cat, dog or child. But that’s not the basal point, that’s just perpetuating status quo or the convention of what came before you.

I want to submit to you, shed light on the fact that everything, everyone, everywhere, is already named. You are told this is this or this is that. Everything is told to you as this or that. Just think about how it subtly limits your thinking and imagination. You are limited in your understanding from the get go. Once you call a crow a crow, its always going to be a crow. I am sure some find the convenience in it all but I plead with you, that there is more to life than convenience. So just do this one thing for me….

Do this one thing sincerely, even secretly, even momentarily and wholeheartedly for just yourself. You, you in your love, through your experiences and in your appreciation, choose a name for God, not the name that was given or that you were told to use or used. Watch this transform you forever!

Be well. All praise to the Unknown.

The Grateful Prayer

Being Grateful is a moving sensation that runs through your body, resets you in the moment. It’s not a mantra or daily affirmation that is practiced senselessly.

It’s a moment of surrender of your self fully to that gift you have received for which you are unconditionally grateful.

starting your day with this and having many moments throughout your day is what is Prayer.

Sorry, but No chants, no memorizations, no verses will get you there without this clarity and humility. All praise to the unknown amidst my pain and grateful for the moments. APTTU.

what if wanting, doing Good is a desire too?

A question propped in my mind probably from seeing the world affairs. And my mental and physical state of helplessness about it all. Nature holds creation and destruction. A volcano when it erupts doesn’t stop for a village or trees. It has a purpose or existence equivalent to anything else of similar magnitude. A lightning strikes wherever the conditions are right for it to strike. Nature presents creation and destruction equally. So why must humanity choose morality? why good is a right choice? In War or conflict there are two sides. Both are right according to them and both are wrong according to the other. So what is good; a relative perspective or is it a moral absolute? How can anyone shamelessly strive for moral absolute when they are ignorant of theirs? Like I eat meat, I also love my pet, how can I have or deserve a moral absolute ? How often do we even retrospectively ask? And does it even matter if good is a baseless choice, a favorable desire, a mathematical higher value but far from an absolute value? what if wanting good is a desire too, an opposing ask?

Mind goes into an inexplicable silence, part fear and part bleak emptiness. Does good matter?

empty stomach

I confess, from my personal experience I seem to easily align with God in an empty stomach than with a full one. I intend to keep it half-full or half-empty moving forward. May he permit me to stay. APTTU

J

sometimes, you take for granted the love and care you receive like daylight, expecting it to be there every day only to realize that its far more precious than daylight. Grateful for the unconditional love I receive from you J.

All seekers of truth

All seekers of the great truth have two trials to overcome. 1.Overcome unbearable mental suffering and 2.Overcome unbearable physical pain.

These two will push you to your limits, break you beyond your known limits. Consider yourself lucky if both occur simultaneously. You will at times desire ignorance over truth. Means to numb all the pain and suffering that you are experiencing.

You will be tempted and perhaps even find the average lives lived by so many around you more enjoyable, more manageable.

And yes man can start to seek from comfort, but he will not know the depth he ought to see. But when he journeys from pain, he will know. That is the test, that is the construct to understand the dichotomy of the universe, creation and destruction. Enjoy this truth, yes laugh at your pain, Mortality is greatest equalizer. Marvel at what you conquer. It is the only way to a wholesome understanding. APTTU.

Believe in God, or not!

Whether you believe in God, or not believe in God, both are absolutely acceptable paths of life. Yes. Because God demands neither of us. God is a presence to realize not a mandate to force upon anyone nor yourself. God is a heartfelt inner surrender, not a bootcamp of or for life. People’s desire to be right, to be deemed better among others demands such petty often violent compliance, not God. God demands no recognition from no being, he is beyond all that. Only the petty fools among us demand obedience. Truth needs no words, nor tongues nor ears. Truth is ever present and ever lasting. It’s available to all, like air, like land, like water, and like the stars. It’s for all who seek. Let no fool or fools take this away from you.

We all have seen enough violence in the name of God. Humans who demand their way as the only way will use God as their symbol for obedience to them not God. God is in freedom but so is Mans wastefulness. Your intentionality, your rigor upon yourself matters, your discipline for unquestionable unbiased truth matters. Only your disciplined mind can save you from its own perils and with even a glimmer of the ever present God he can set you free towards to the everlasting truth across this modality and beyond. You will find that inner surrender and alignment towards the eternal. I have said enough. Those who understand this will find me.

O Butterfly

You are the majestic butterfly that dotted the flowers, bored quickly and constantly seeking the next beautiful flower in the garden. Whereas I am ugly the dirt covering this earth, getting stepped on, gnarly; constantly covered with manure, but diligently securing the seed, the rain, the roots for the innocent plant to blossom those momentary flowers you come to visit and dismiss swiftly. But know this; You too will lay motionless upon me one day only to be absorbed into the manure for the same seed to grow. We are not the same butterfly. We never were. I know my purpose, and place. Do you ?

Common Fools and You.

Never let the deplorable common fools and losers bring you down to their level. They are masters of their craft, they will recite laurels of it. They started all the same but never moved to know any truth. So, firstly; Don’t let your emotion hijack a reaction. The temptation will be the highest when your core holds correct values. But urgently seek, rather rush to calmness immediately on exposure. Breathe Intentionally. Deep Breaths in Silence. Second Be absolutely slow to react and avoid any impulsive self harm. Remember your poor Dad how he failed in this. Third and Most Importantly, APTTU, remove hatred, repulsion, achieve forgiveness by centering in God the unknown, seer of all things. This yoke too is not yours to bear. Lastly as he the great unknown guides, ensure that your given penance remains unaltered, resolve through physical exercise, endurance and staying within Gods infinite clarity. All Praise To The Unknown.

Suffering and Joy are same to the Soul

All souls within all beings quietly rejoice in all of life’s movements, i.e. both joy and suffering. Yes. Because it’s simply here within each to experience all things. Like all the rides in amusement parks; some are fun and some are scary, and some are thrilling, all the more they are all used and present in the park. Most end up riding all kinds of rides.

Truth is the soul sees no difference between one’s joy and suffering. It simply observes experiences the magnitude of both without interference, through its presence within the body. We are only the sensor, our soul is the true experiencer and the god the unknown is the ultimate seer or observer and the final experiencer. This is a difficult truth.

This is realized in a moment or few moments because it is temporary and cannot be permanent. But when you are lucky enough to connect with your soul, in that brief moment you will immediately realize both suffering and joy is immaterial. And there is immense gratitude for your mere existence itself. That is a truly profound realization that can only be remembered after but cannot be continually experienced or sustained.

You can through strict meditation, and in extreme states achieve that reconnection and clarity again. This cannot be taught or formulated down. It can be spoken of like this, poorly! It is a self realization that anyone can attain and it is a true state. But our existential reality is the counter weight to this duality of life and understanding perhaps for good practical reasons of life. I have lot more questions too. I know it sounds ridiculous to conclude suffering and joy are same to the soul. But that’s the learning. Be well.

Our Shepherd in the Universe

It took me a full four decades to seek your forgiveness. And almost three of the four living in frigid cold every 6months, filled with pride I continued in my ignorance. You were quietly protecting, but I kept avoiding you. Now you visit us here with your usual schedule. But I am miserable when I don’t see you. My body shivers without you. Most of all I lose all hope when I don’t see you. Please forgive me. A rock has more clarity of you than me. Forgive me.

In ancient times, in books of searches by the wise before me, they worshipped you. In some parts of earth they still do. I totally get it, I would too. They called you the seer of all things like the eye in the heavens as you make us see all things.

I will always want to bow in your infinite light upon us. I will always remember to pause when I see you blessing us all. In some parts of the earth may you be merciful for they perish in your immense strength, earth seems to punish them too. I don’t know. I am grateful like every plant, flower, and living being who thrive in your glory. Each time you leave us, you leave a wake of memories that tug all of my past, and you part with a powerful promise of a new beginning. I have lost loved ones in your absence. Neither am I the same in your absence. But I appreciate the much needed respite from you as its equally essential for all life.

Dear Sun, the star assigned to nurse this earth. The shepherd of our travel through the universe. I understand your majesty, forgive me for I was a child when I cursed you for my hardships. I blamed you for life’s disappointments. I lately noticed you are losing your patience too. I am nothing, you may hear a million prayers offered to you daily. Maybe all this is, is just my soul cleaning its sin against you and convincing itself to move forward in harmony, perhaps rather childishly. I am grateful to you the shepherd, the guiding star of my ancestors and my generations that may come before your sight. I raise my hands together, and bow.

Discerning Ego the 1st step

If you have mastered discerning your deceiving ego versus what isn’t. You have taken the first real step of wisdom.

Like the Air

“My writings are no different than the air I breathe. They all briefly visit me, yet breathe life into me.” -KG

Unknown’s Movements

God the unknown’s movements are infinitely nuanced and abundant; that you can actually experience it in every fraction of a moment if you converge enough attention, to stay in his presence. And at first if and when you do, you will be perplexed and readily dismiss it, perhaps even runaway due to all of our current conditioning. But may you persist and continue to seek the invisible so it may become clearly visible; that you too may be marveled and humbled. All praise to the Unknown.

Gaze at the internal abyss

My problem is I can sit and stare, gaze at things that people may consider nothing for hours when in the inside I am completely lost in my wander, miles away into an abyss with endless trenches of past and future. Perhaps I am witnessing infinity unfold within or perhaps I am listening to time, or just maybe Gods movement across the infinite realms everywhere or perhaps I am just incapable of holding a useful thought to deliver valuable action.

And at last, when I return I am saddened at how indebted and useless I am to those who love and tolerate me for such waste of time. Written as I witness snow falling as though with intention to bring chaos on everything it touches. Forgive me, oh this hopeless soul.

Grateful to Unknown

The truth is I don’t know how to be grateful to you and often I wonder if I even have the capacity to do so God the Unknown. All praise to the Unknown.

Poverty is the Sin and Failure of All who aren’t Poor.

Wrote this first and foremost as a note to self as much as to anyone else. Its easy to forget our responsibilities. It’s easy to play the victim card, it’s easy to live carefree when you have everything. It’s easy to be distracted, to be occupied all the time. It’s easy to forget humanity. It’s easy to cast judgement or use religious or past life karma nonsense as the answer to someone’s suffering. Who is anyone to cast judgement upon another?

We forget the interconnectedness of human experience. We give labels and compartmentalize our observed world. Come to believe this is the highest form of foolishness and willful ignorance. Can’t partake once you understand, see or seek. Crushing a human soul, letting one suffer while we ignore and carry on is inhuman. It tears-up some of us. This is not a reminder, this a cry from the soul of its own lapses. An intermittent burst of intolerance to the suffering we create, tolerate, ignore and penalize. Sickens the soul, rots the heart. Inhumanity is not out there its within. Seek humanity before divinity.

A transient energy of light

When you seek answers to some of the basic yet profound questions of human existence. You will occasionally encounter the most extraordinary answers within you, they are simple to grasp yet shake the very grounds you stand on for comprehension. This is one of those for me trying to reel out of the depths of a loss and asking what am I and what is anyone and any being.

“You, a temporary shell on a transient energy of light”

There is something both comforting and self-losing in these words that gives me a peace never found before.

Have-Nots

Every arena, every social platform, digital and real world constructs are steadily branching into two groups; the Haves and the Have-nots. The Haves, don’t even participate in any of them, while meticulously crafting them for the Have-nots. They have their lavish exclusive lives discreetly attended to without interference from climate change, pandemics, and wars. And this is the obvious appalling reality almost all of the have-nots deplorably ignore. They are kept busy hating, and exploiting themselves and each other, while squandering for leftovers.

Logout, Unplug, Wake up if you still can.

Poetry

Worship is when you wholeheartedly realize life’s every moment is an unfolding poetry, with you in it.

Surrendering. All praise to the unknown

Imperfection is not the narrative

We are told perfection is impossible or just an aspiration, and not reality. But I tell you, Kindness IS perfect. Selfless acts are perfect. Service to others is perfect. No matter how imperfect an existence maybe, such perfect deeds count and ultimately define life in totality.

We are socially brainwashed to be inconsiderate, to be greedy among other selfish acts. It’s not our default nature, we didn’t survive these many years just because we were violent, we cared for others. Thats why in today’s world, ‘most who have most things that they need, still suffer endlessly because they feel imperfect and incomplete. They are further wasted to believing they are imperfect in their appearance, and looks. Vanity is programmed from birth. There is perfection in this world, I have been a witness and recipient of many kind and selfless acts from strangers. I stand as a witness to perfection that exists abundantly in this world. All praise to the unknown.

To surrender in quietude

When you permit me to pause and take it all in, including in the moments with those who surround me, and the majestic nature that envelops me. I can only be in prayer and there is this overwhelming emotion filling my eyes and heart with gratitude and surrender to you. I know not where I come from and where I will go, and I only know that I may never know, but in this moment I sense you, I tell my yearning desperate self that will do. All praise to my beloved unknown. May all sense you, around them and within them. May my loved ones too. All praise to the unknown

Acknowledging

If I’ve forgotten to write of you and for you, and If I write or express anything for vanity and praises, I submit with clarity that I have forgotten you and lead a meaningless existence. Forgive me. I am grateful to you for you let me breathe so I can share what is realized, with conviction. Forgive me for any conditioning I am yet to break free of. I submit this to acknowledge of my weaknesses and my need to always steer my ship and work my sails towards you no matter the howling winds and high seas. I am nothing without you. Let me be with you. All praise to the unknown.

The incomplete pursuit of the infinite

All may understand the finite existence of all life. Therefore, one must find peace in knowing that no finite being can embrace the infinite infinitely only finitely and thereby briefly. No one before you or after you may be able to either, for that is the setting of human existence. Only some perhaps finitely understood more than others of the infinite. One must find peace in knowing that in the endless path, pursuit of enlightenment, one’s finite life may come to pass. It is never about who found more or less, it is simply who chose the infinite path knowing that their finite existence too shall pass. It is like driving a car with limited gas on an infinite road, knowing fully well you will run out of gas soon before your destination but you knew that when you started. Enjoy the trip. APTTU.

What is the highest revelation within self ?

In the simplest set of words the revelation from knowing the Unknown (god) is the wholesome awareness of the intricate details of all creation from a cell to the universe. It is beyond words only can be experienced, can never be proved or shared. Science can help observe, but the unknown reveals what is far more beautiful than the eye can see as it’s felt by the heart, and reveled silently by one’s mind in such infinite truth. Time has no meaning in this revelation, as there is no time, what is infinite may be a finest second or a lifetime. And as a result of this what is revealed the human burden one carries from birth through death and its fog is lifted. Truth becomes to emerge of all beginnings and ends. One is set free, they are beyond peace, joy and suffering, pain if even while present cannot alter the infinite state. Their soul reenters the eternal. All praise to the Unknown. All praise to the Unknown. All praise to the Unknown. All praise to the Unknown in tears. All praise to the Unknown in surrender. All praise to the Unknown in life and death.

Define God ?

In the simplest of senses and words, God the UNKOWN is realization and alignment.

The Higher the pursuit the higher the temptation and…

This is as much a note to self as it is to the world. It appalls me that this simple yet profound truth is often forgotten. To those seekers, seekers of truth, the ultimate truths. Those who have already embarked or proclaim to have embarked on the journey. Let me be clear, the higher the pursuit the higher the temptation and challenges. ARE YOU ACTUALLY PREPARED FOR IT?. It is evident to me through several observations of others and self on many days, many pursue the Unknown (God) childishly, no I’m not talking about the innocence in their hearts. That must be pure like that of a child for the Unknown (God) sees us always like his child. But I’m talking about grown adults who wish to seek the Unknown (God), understand his glory but fail to understand he is seated in layers of revelation and understanding. HE is not a transactional being, but being in a journey like that of climbing a mountain. You have to ask how much and how far do you truly want to go. Many people’s unspoken answer is material and bodily comfort or wellbeing. For many this is why they pursue the Unknown (God) in the first place. Also, why the rich forget their moral duties because they completely forget god.

For others, its reading or understanding of others pursuit of the Unknown (God). Like reading a captivating novel and rejoicing in the thrill and excitement of it. This is the childish nature of many in their pursuit.

For instance, Hindus, read the Vedas or Bhagavath Gita or read the teachings of Paramananda and someone who sought vigorously, and they ignorantly think they have understood the Unknown (God). WRONG. Even worse, some subdue to present so called “swamis” and “gurus”, this is modern day outsourcing of this noble pursuit. Let me be brutally honest, Only the so-called swami’s and gurus’ pursuit if any is strengthened, not yours. In the supreme eyes you display laziness, lack of courage and perhaps desperation or fear nothing else.

Even in the great Upanishads it speaks of one’s own mind must pursue not just comes from a good teacher. In fact, it further clarifies as the following, The great all-knowing wise and enlightened Draviden Yama imparted to the Northern Prince Nachiketas the following “Knowledge of atman cannot be attained when it is taught by those who themselves lack in real understanding of it. And who therefore have no definite conviction of their own differ among themselves as to its nature and existence. Only he who has been able to perceive the self directly, through the unfoldment of his higher nature can proclaim what it actually is and his words alone carry weight.” And these so-called gurus and swami’s of today who claim or accept themselves to be that role are simply those who lack understanding. Now there were some in the past who understood who annihilated their ego and self for the pursuit of truth, I surmise remarkably they all came close to truth.

It is also same in other religions too, for instance in Christianity, In the Bible, Matthew chapter 21:12-13, “Jesus went into the temple of The Unknown (God), and cast out all them that sold and bought in the temple, and overthrew the tables of the moneychangers, and the seats of them that sold doves, and said unto them, It is written, Lord’s house shall be called the house of prayer; but ye have made it a den of thieves.” Relegating the thought of the Unknown (God) to Sundays is for sinners who want to continue sinning in my books. For all at minimum, you must start and end your day with the Unknown (God).

I truly wish to remind and impart this core message here, you have to reflect upon your pursuit of truth, light and the great Unknown (God) in the most honest and careful manner. And ask what is your pursuit and what for is your pursuit. It is a fallacy to think there is peace in the pursuit. It is an assumption without knowing your starting point. Your pursuit can start with purging your mind and body, it won’t be pretty, and there definitely won’t be peace in that process however long it takes. Perhaps peace may appear later but most certainly not anytime soon for those who are just starting. Perhaps you wish to mentally conquer death or the fear of death that drives most into daily survival, perhaps that’s what drove you to seek in the first place.

Ultimately only you can answer what is it you want? Are you willing to pursue the ultimate truth, the highest truth. If the answer is YES and trust me the answer will not be a yes on all days. Life for ordinary people desiring extraordinary things isn’t that easy. To even get to answering these very questions it may take years and several hardships to even answer the question honestly and with a level of sincere commitment.

Are you willing to pursue the highest. Know that the highest pursuit will come with the highest temptations and challenges. Why do you think there are monks, and monasteries, why do you think those men who some call gods never married, never ate, never wore achievements, never mingled in a society, never even lived in a society but ran away to nature. “They made painful decisions to take the easiest-path to get to the toughest journey” read that a few times! Now, ultimately if you have answered yes, part foolish part hopeful like me, know that you and I are already on the toughest-path. No! this is no challenge or penance; it is recognizing the needed ability and the readiness for the preparation of your heart. And one’s mind to seek the highest as one is to anticipate the highest temptations and challenges in this toughest THE journey, the ultimate pursuit, rather purpose of life. Only The Unknown (God) knows that for each of us. If your ego is in front of all this, then let me be clear you never started. All Praise to the Unknown.

Give me hate, I’m used to it

Give me hate, I’m used to it all my life, that I can handle. But please don’t give me kindness, for it’s unbearable, I know not how to reciprocate. Heavy is my guilt to receive such grace, when so many innocent lives depart this earth without an ounce of it. Let my tears enter the ground before my body does. It’s clear to have come without knowing and to leave without knowing that settles the ego. But in between I hope to have tried with conviction to surrender to you unknown. I realize now, nothing I ask matters, nothing I give matters and eternally grateful for everything that was given. A fools peril is life and death its preordained destiny. This fool welcomes all as he welcomes you. APTTU.

Seated on a fractured character

where I should have demonstrated maturity I showed immaturity and where I should’ve been sincere, I was insincere. I could produce a thousand reasons to justify it over the years. But I know now is I am categorically wrong, and embarrassingly ignorant. I must strive to do two things. Seek forgiveness from those who I took for granted in those ignorant moments, and never repeat it to anyone, for it’s a reflection of me not them. All those things I pride myself for is mere shallowness for my temperament is foolish and seated on a fractured character. I submit this to hurt my ego or what’s left of it, and desperately attempting to course correct my path forward both ways. Grateful to the unknown for showing me the light and the way. APTTU.

Resting emptiness

At its heaviest knowledge will feel empty. When your understanding of this world surpasses you. You will feel an inexplicable emptiness inside.

Luxury of thoughts

Frequently when I write my thoughts down, I pause to realize how thought is a luxury for so many. Any one who is free to think has an obligation to free many minds to think. This is an innate duty for without it his or her thoughts are useless and mere vanity. I beg to stand apart from such immaturity. selfless Deeds alone bring meaning to such thoughts. APTTU for this luxury of thought and committing my pledge of actions from my thoughts. APTTU.

Abandon and Surrender

Desire in anything including work or job can engulf you and while you maybe lost in it, reveling in your sense of duty. Such pride is also shallow. You are also lost in time and with the unknown. Only in the unknown can you be found, all else are traps for the mind. Yogis and Monks understood this ; permitted only the menial labors for the body to avail while the mind stays focused in the unknown. A day after writing this, the following random message appeared on my feed. Now I have to read the Baghvat Gita. APTTU.

Why should i matter

Why should i matter, why should my prayer be any more than someone else’s ? why should i and mine be saved and not someone else? my life is no more significant than any other human life on this planet, in-fact no more significant than any other life on the planet, yet i hear so many tragedies so many times hence i ask, the unknown why should i matter to you, even this thought screams ego to me, forgive me im a mortal. Why have you kept me here for, am i fulfilling your command laid for me, i ask not in fear but in surrender. With a growing doubt and the confusion of my ignorance while taking in all the profound human sadness as an alert observer on earth. can i help change course of this planet, will i be a grain in the soil for a seed you plant tomorrow ? Will me to do what i’m kept to do, allow me to understand the slightest hint if humanly possible, let me see, in you there is no suffering while i’m a fool a prisoner of this body and time. And while pain may consume me, spare me a space within all this of your awareness, to reside momentarily in my random existence. APTTU. APTTU.

Pausing in Anger

when i pause in my anger i realize how far away i am from god/the unknown. And it melts away what’s left of it leaving shame on my shortcoming.

Toil

Define your True North and Purpose. Then go Toil, every step in your pathway may not glisten, nor be without sweat and blood but toil anyway, for it all adds up and in the end if there is one. But there will be one, your efforts may bear fruits some sweet or perhaps all tart. But today you toil anyway. APTTU.

“I”

What is given is soon taken, and I keep nothing, then who really am I but only a vessel. I am just a colorful veneer, a beautiful painting on something I don’t own or know. – K.G.

Give em peace at least after

Hey……at least in death give him peace and to those who deeply grieve some solace; to send him off the very last time. But how can you …..oh you are as… dead as the rest of you wondering with shredding souls and withering bones.

Lost 1

Recently lost a loved one to ignorance, cultural dogma, overcrowding, derivative pollution, poor infrastructure and absolute folly. I couldn’t nor didn’t do thing to prevent it. Now what and why does any of my accomplishments matter?

We hide from our past.

I know many including me avoid parts of our past, not for the sins per se but for the glorious dreams we once had, we once shared with one another, and sadly those dreams no longer have a place to stay in us. And we fear that others who we had shared those with may bring it up, that we avoid the people altogether who were once our best of friends.

The reality now has robbed us of those cherished dreams and it saddens us enough that we choose to bury the past and avoid the people who we shared it with. And that’s truly a shame. I think I can speak for me that I have lacked the maturity then so to speak, and I have lacked the maturity enough now to see it all through again with the lens of the present.

We unconsciously fear that letting them in again into our lives would be like letting those beautiful dreams remind us of our failures that we chose to ignore both, and that’s a shame.

Failures are life as much as successes, they are simply experience of same value, we can learn we can be hurt, we don’t have to rise or dip in any way. We just have to accept the present and the past for it was wholly. We search for new dreams and memories to cherish, yet we don’t know what to do with those that were already given to us beautifully original.

foto credit: Laura Fuhrman

Deeds

Many shine out of experience

Some shine out of wit or skill

Only few glow in deeds filled with a great heart.

Its my privilege to live among such few.

Strangers

Truth is each life including mine that’s doing alright was, is nurtured by a handful of loved ones and a million or so total strangers from the past and the present. We often fail to realize how many total strangers just by virtue of their convictions, ways and fears have helped us be us, invariably touched or shaped our life’s’ many moments. Just #being grateful for kind acts from total strangers

To my daughters

You two made me truly understand love, in how to give it unconditionally and innocently, and how big an arrogant fool I am in life.

to my kids,
You both are just 5, but daddy is very grateful for all you have taught me about myself. You have humbled me with your innocent love and forgiveness. I am very sorry if I have already let you down, I am sorry when I yelled to protect, when I got irrational to keep you safe. I am so sorry when I have lost my temper when you didn’t understand the world and its ways, oh you were just 3 my angels, I am sorry when you simply wanted more love with your tears I am sorry I responded with impatience and anger. My dear, I have often been lost in the wasteful ways of this world and have ignored my most precious gifts and moments, the simple joy of a smile and laughter with you is more precious than all I have gained. You made me realize how big a fool I am. I hope this fool remembers always how big a fool he is and am reminded of my love for you and your happiness, and your grace towards this simple dad. I love you, you have made me responsible and hopeful of this world, you have given me grander reasons to solve some of the problems out there.

Daddy loves you, always.

I have

I have gotten lost but I am finding my way. I have sinned but I am seeking salvation. I have rejoiced in comfort and materials but now I am willing to let go. I have been selfish but now I want to be no more.

I have forgotten, but now I remember. I have forgotten but now I earn to see. I have gotten lost but now I want to return, I have wasted but now I want to save it. I have rotten but now I want to live. I have laughed selfishly but now I want to cry together. I have left but now I want to return. I have slept but now I want to be awake.

I listened

I was distraught that I achieved nothing [per my inner scorecard] in 2016, the weight didn’t come off, the products didn’t fly off the shelf. Life coasted when viewed from most angles in 2016. But I felt an immense mental perspective and a profound confusion cleared. Nothing physically changed, but I was different, how I viewed and my ability to collect myself in a situation had improved at least I think it has. There were definitely many fumbles, temper fits, frustrations, in fact more for things happening around the world, and regarding the society I lived in than in the previous years. Previously, I had really hoped; I would become thick skinned or gradually ignorant about world affairs in 2016, but instead I got more sensitive, felt more guilty or responsible, felt more helpless, felt more frustrated, yet felt more hopeful when I saw good deeds by strangers, faith in humanity was restored and crushed repeatedly that year. Sometimes on the same issue. I was torn and put back together with deeper hope and understanding of life, it was by no stretch easier. I distanced myself, I hid, I became a loner to buy time to understand the entire thing that was laid on me, I needed time to process, because it was filled with tears for those who are out there with no hope or nothing to sustain a breadth or a drop to drink. This weight crushed me and the little hope I had on humanity. But humanity prevails.

So what changed, so why this new perspective, why this overall vulnerability. Why this sudden burden on my unworthy shoulders.

I think I finally listened, I listened to the world when on my knees, by choice, by the path i haven been ushered over all these years. I heard it loud and clear. Now the only question is, what am I going to do ?

Ancestors

I am the reason of all my ancestors, all they endured comes down to me

10 things being a dad to my 3yr old girls (twins) taught me about life

True Responsibility
Unconditional Love
Patience is a virtue with growing demand between the two ends.
Ask what others need before asking yourself
Things change in a second, world can look gloomy sometimes, but keep looking anyway
Shower and Bath are two different things dad.
We are all born with survival instincts and human condition, but when left to its means, can manifest to selfishness and sin long-term. Moral conduct is learnt, trained and made to habit and it’s not a birth measure. Dad can course correct as much the 3yr old.
Though reproduction is a human condition often by pseudo choice, its parenting that defines the meaning of birth both for the parent and the child.
self-imposed time outs are dangerous…. I know!
Kindness is not just a virtue it’s should the fabric of who you are, keep love unconditional they will hurt you and when they do you know that’s because you unconditionally loved them and changes nothing.
Who says 10 things should have 10 things dad, they are who we are and we were who they are. They are another chance at life through their eyes, enjoy every moment small to rest.
They start out on this earth, not knowing iPad passwords nor god nor race nor status, but you and only you– become your best, for they see it and you owe it and be there for every tear and joy as much as you can, cos in the end it’s all worth it.

Fear

Fear is not the absence of courage, but the absence of conviction.

for those i care

I have realized that I also resort to write/blog to leave something behind for those I care; just in case all else I have gained fails them.

what should I title this ?

...my mind wanders to my setbacks and my disappointments. How I have failed and how I continue to fail in certain things taunts me. I try to justify it’s a human condition though I know I am better than that. At First I find reasons or faults in others, but I know I contributed to things not them. I force my mind to my own flaws and failures. We are creatures of circumstances, but to a great measure circumstances are creatures of us.

When I flounder in such, I cannot help but think of what could drive humans to be in much greater sadness, pain and hardships. I wonder what were ones choices and what were thrusted upon them.

Many had no choice. And Many did and chose very wrong.

I have a luck of finding documentaries on cable TV that reveal the mass shootings and bodies of people pulled out of gas chambers during Hitler’s reign. I find them in troubled moments which never helps or may be it helps too much.

I foolishly imagine what would go through my head before that bullet breaks my cranium. Will I be in fear of the pain to be inflicted upon me. Will I be crying for my end. Will I moan the deaths of those who were shot before me and my kids and family to die after me. Do I know their fate? Did I hide them ? Or they already shot. My stomach turns and my eyes cannot hold. Do I accept or resist reality inducing more pain. This is a never ending thought.

I can not accept mankind is capable of this. But logic and facts that lay infront of me confirms it’s the case. I am destroyed.

I keep running this thought over and over again until there is nothing left of me that’s clear and sharp. I am mentally tired. This thought keeps running on an infinite loop on certain days some days in the background, for I don’t have an answer, what would I be then, in that instant of departure from all I know, without my free will, and in pain, agony, defeat and suffering, and it destroys me.

Yesterday, It happened again, this time I added the glimpse of a show on Gengis Khan. He was worse, killing abusing women and children of his enemies. Millions died because of him, its just so away in time that he is forgotten more than Hitler. And videotaping did not exist during his time. What bothers me is, though these were two, Hundreds of men and women followed their orders and killed innocent people.

I am ashamed of what we are and what we can do. In these moments of thoughts of what we as a species have done to each other I cannot even grip the idea or concept of God. It seems meaningless and furthermore, projects as yet another dangerous idea that could lead to millions facing tragic deaths. If I was that jew dragged to the pit to be shot with hands tied and hundreds watching and waiting. With no hope, and endless tears, and loved ones killed in front me and or to be the next day or day after. The bullet is all I want.

beauty of self-awareness

The beauty of self-awareness is; it only increases your understanding of how stupid you are.

The real charm however is what you do about it. There lies the difference

I love it

Universe and Me

I should not keep pondering about the universe every day. It completely screws me up OR MY DAY.

cruise control on life

My life is on a cruise control to destination no where. I am franctically trying to straighten it.

Live Now

Live now, period.

Focus and 2 other

A controlled spirit, a focussed mind and a caring heart are three ingredients for absolute wisdom.

Oneness

A controlled spirit, a focussed mind and a caring heart are three ingredients for absolute wisdom.

Judgement

Judged not by words read but by deeds done
Judged not by words read but those said

Celebrate

We don’t celebrate life enough.

Approach

I secretly know I am not special, but I always feel special. I grab everything that life has to offer to feel that way each day. I know that makes me special.

People Relationships

I realized I was boxed to myself, but then pondering the reason and need made me realize there was a strong history to it. Often people prefer average interactions.

My worries often err towards the fear of opening up only to find situations with people where they really are dry or can not handle the flood. More importantly, I fear the sight of shallowness, hopelessness and hatred. Few minutes into things I will know If I will lose them in the next few. Now humbly said, not always I make that call.

Awake 1:1

The knowledge of life and the scarcity of it, among it are many caught in the transformations of reality that sways between pain and joy. It is determination that exceeds them and perseverance to endure through the dark nights and hollow days that enriches the mind and body to weather the unknown. ‘God’ is an infinite word with a limited definition on mediocre minds and unknown rest in the rest. An entity to inflict control upon the prevalent randomness, a fulcrum to open the minds in to the vastness of ones potent. A subdued form to serve the wishes and desires, all in one word. The averages have taken it to poor extremities in forms and concepts, yet even within those one can attain light if one perseveres to seek, and weather his hope to attain pure consciousness. Consciousness is a power word for a powerful existence. An existence in its lighter form can transcend time and moment. In its real form can endure the eternal. Awake 1:1

to live,

Live as if death was irrelevant, like the immortals and legends.

Understanding

Neither have I understood God nor the theories of men of science that I fear my ultimate loss in oblivion.

Idleness

An idle woman’s mind is the root of all evil and the simpleton’s is its pit. And the thoughts and words of either are nothing but rotten fruits of peril.

To my brethren, bear none such yield. To my sistren, Labor!!!

Death 1

Death is an inexplicable truth. I have grown wise to pray and wish for a good life and a better death. The notion of Eternity often echoes the in-aptitude in males to accept reality and the bread of life. If all has to be explained; death is the granter of exceptions. Coming to embrace it is difficult, often reserved for the sick and religious. Religions promise its “after-glory”, the gate to divinity and so on. But this death is dark and pale. It’s clutches leaves no man untouched. Often falling asleep with a fading conscience is my painless imitation of death. And even that is dark as the conscience slips into the dark night of lone souls, that scream in vain. Pain is the sharp and acute addition to the endless sleep called death.

Man and his silicon world cheats death everyday in the cosmos. I can not but only be amazed and believe in daily divine interference to let this planet be as is, as the cosmos has more death than life. In its hallowed scatters of light and cold rocks, there is the emptiness of death and a possibility of our own planet gleans on the boundaries of sane thinking. Yet here we are, but I do doubt its continuance and its eternal glory. Death is a sad truth, but it certainly has driven us as a species to adjust life, and the values around it. We brave it in ways I still cannot fathom why. For instance the notion of Flight, sitting inside one big metal coffin we brutally thrust ourselves into the skies everyday, with tiny plastic straps on our laps. How did we end up like this ? Is it the wisdom that precedes our lives or the ignorance contained in it ?

Death certainly has its bitterness, but no man who has tasted it returned to deliver. Death is the token of punishment till date, and will always be. But why we nurture such hate is a shame and yet even the commoner has willfully wished life for himself and death for another. Can we cheat death ? We all have, and we all will, for a while.

Accept it, live with it, Death won’t come to you. But you will die only once. Oh the Pain! Death is the only form final absolution of one’s soul. Death is required for balance, Death is the way of life. Life that is reminded of death lives better. Death that is reminded of life, lived better.