Tag: conscience

I listened

I was distraught that I achieved nothing [per my inner scorecard] in 2016, the weight didn’t come off, the products didn’t fly off the shelf. Life coasted when viewed from most angles in 2016.  But I felt an immense mental perspective and a profound confusion cleared. Nothing physically changed, but I was different, how I viewed and my ability to collect myself in a situation had improved at least I think it has. There were definitely many fumbles, temper fits, frustrations, in fact more for things happening around the world, and regarding the society I lived in than in the previous years.  Previously, I had really hoped; I would become thick skinned  or gradually ignorant about world affairs in 2016, but instead I got more sensitive, felt more guilty or responsible, felt more helpless, felt more frustrated, yet felt more hopeful when I saw good deeds by strangers, faith in humanity was restored and crushed repeatedly that year. Sometimes on the same issue. I was torn and put back together with deeper hope and understanding of life, it was by no stretch easier. I distanced myself, I hid, I became a loner to buy time to understand the entire thing that was laid on me, I needed time to process, because it was filled with tears for those who are out there with no hope or nothing to sustain a breadth or a drop to drink. This weight crushed me and the little hope I had on humanity. But humanity prevails.

So what changed, so why this new perspective, why this overall vulnerability. Why this sudden burden on my unworthy shoulders.

I think I finally listened, I listened to the world when on my knees, by choice, by the path i haven been ushered over all these years.  I heard it loud and clear. Now the only question is, what am I going to do ?